Changing Times
by IWillBelieveIt If I CanDreamIt
Summary: He had returned to a world that he no longer fit. A life that was no longer his. He was on the outside looking in, watching as someone else spent his moments, loved his people, lived his life. Warnings inside.


_**Warning: Dark themes. Deals with attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts and self-harming. If you are triggered by any of these or of stories where people are abounded by all but one, then please do not read. Thank you. Also I don't owe the image, credit goes to the artist (I'm not sure on who that is, if you know please tell me and I will add in their name)**_

He had returned to a world that he no longer fit. A life that was no longer his.

He was on the outside looking in, watching as someone else spent his moments, loved his people, lived his life.

He had been replaced without a second thought. All their backs turned; ears deaf to his words. Eyes only for the new "Shinichi"

He tried, god did he try but it wasn't enough, _he _wasn't enough. They had out grown him, attention on someone newer, younger, fresher. He was cast out, left to his own devices, rejected by those he once called family.

Feeling slighted and hurt he retaliated. Turning his back on them, Harding his heart as he threw himself into his career, a painted smile on his face.

Case after case, victim after victim, never stopping, only looking for the next problem to solve, feeling like that was the only thing he had left good in his life.

At night when his body was too tired to run and his mind too hyped to sleep, he would remember those he once held dear and cry a single tear for all that he had lost before hardening his resolve, cleaning away the tear away in disgust, a promise on his lips.

"Never again" he would whisper into the night "Never again shall I be taken advantage off" before throwing himself into his work, energy renewed, unaware of the sad eyes that watched him slowly self- destruct.

Ester, Halloween, Christmas and Birthdays would roll on by, hearing no word from anybody, not even a seasonal greeting you send your most hated relatives out of cursory.

As the years flew on by, he found the loneliness began to creep up on him, crippling and vicious, leaving an empty hollowness where his heart use to be. Distantly he wondered if he ever had a heart to begin with or had he just fooled himself into believing he had one to make those around him more comfortable.

Slowly as time passed, he realised he had no one left. He was truly all alone, unwanted and unneeded by society at large and his once upon a family. Dark thoughts began to creep in, thoughts of suicide beginning to sound more tempting by the day. He began to wonder what was wrong with him, what he'd done to push the people he loved away. It didn't take long for him to start doubting his own worth, believing he deserved the abandonment, making up reasons to fit the punishment. Hating himself a little more with every passing day.

He began to cut, feeling like it was the only way he could remain here, remind himself he was there, that he wasn't invisible to those around him and that he mattered in some way. The pain was a good reminder of that, heighted his focus and made him feel for those few blissful seconds before shame and guilt would work its way in, emotions he was far too familiar with. He'd tell himself it was worth it though, that being able to see in colour and taste food again was worth the temporary remorse.

Soon though even that trick began to stop taking affect and the detachment he had felt crept back in, dulling the world around him until it became a colourless, soundless blob. Days would meld into one, cases becoming blurs, food having no appeal, the rare moments of beauty he'd experienced while in pain where gone too and life lost all meaning. In a desperate attempt to just feel something, anything, even if it was the hate he could no longer feel, he would cut deeper, bleed for longer and regret it all over again when done.

Until one night he looked up at the moon and realised what he had been doing, saw just how bad his life had become and cried out, cried out to God to send an Angel to heal him, to give him a sign that it would get better and he wouldn't be alone any more.

He had never been a religious person, had always believed that no higher being could watch his people kill each other off one by one and not step in. But now he was alone, had nobody by his side and no love to speak of, he found the idea of a God tempting and comforting from the loneliness, convincing himself that if he just begged enough, if he poured his heart out and shouted to the sky's then maybe they would help him.

He begged and pleaded; a pill bottle tightly clasped between white knuckles. Tears streaming down his face as he prayed for them to send him a sign that he should live.

When nothing happened and his voice felt raw from over use, he stared blankly at the bottle and whispered "This is it, if god can't see fit to answer me then I really am no longer needed here"

He opened the bottle with shaking hands and raising it up to his mouth at an angle. Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back, mouth wide open and turned the bottle upside down.

Even if nobody cared for him, he didn't want them to find his body all mangled and the room around him bloody. Even in death he didn't want to be a bother, so instead he planned to O-D on strong over the counter sleeping pills a doctor had proscribed him for his insomnia years ago that he had never planned to take but still kept for a reason unknown to him. He supposed now he knew why he'd kept them; the knowledge didn't comfort him like solving a mystery normally would.

He was prepared to die. There was nothing left for him here, and if God wasn't going to send him help then obviously, he should take the hint and end this. He waited to feel those small generically white pills to hit his tongue. A numbness settling in. He really was about to do this; he was going to do the very thing he saved criminals from. Ironic isn't it? The very thing he'd preached against was the one thing he felt he had left to do. I didn't matter that it was his own life he was taking, it was still a life and a very small part of him, the part being buried under all the grief and the hate was disgusted with himself for it.

Time seemed to move so slow as his shaking hands gently tipped the bottle lower, he could hear the ills gently knock against the bottles as they all tumbled down to the opening, he had left for them. In his last few minutes, before the pills were to hit his tongue, he couldn't help but ponder upon who it would be that found his body. Whether they would mourn him or throw a celebratory party at his passing.

An awareness pinged to the left of him, but he ignored it. He knew nobody was there, as nobody ever came to visit. He didn't believe after all this time someone would want to save him, so he chalked to presents off as his subconscious providing him with company. After all, no one ever wanted to die alone. But then suddenly his mind was in over drive, it felt like someone was holding his wrist in a vice grip, preventing it from moving just that little inch to allow the pills to fall. He thought he'd gone crazy, that he had finally began to hallucinate but when he opened his eyes, he found himself looking into a pair of real eyes. They looked desolate and angry, he found himself transfixed on them hardly daring to breath in case the mirage went away.

Almost without thinking his eyes moving to the white top resting above a nest of hair and felt himself gasp and he recognised his companion. Kid. In his shock his grip looseed on the bottle, giving the Thief an opening to remove it and chuck it across the room, the content spilling across the floor as it made contact and bounced.

"No Tantei-kun" he orders, voice soft. He doesn't say anything else, just stares at the detective, waiting to see what he will do next, heart thudding in his chest as he comes to realisation that he's well out of his element. He doesn't panic, he just breaths calmly, his hold on the wrist becoming gentler, his eyes losing some of its hardness, a deep-rooted sadness taking its place. A fear rose within him when Shinichi's empty eyes locked with his, expression blank as if it had been wiped clean.

"Why?" The detective asked back lifelessly "I don't have any one left Kid, I can't carry on like this, watching from the side-lines as people move on with their lives. Sharing their stories with one another when I don't even have someone to talk to never mind share any accomplishments with."

Kid pulled the broken detective into a tight hug, resting his chin on the other head. Feeling him cuddle in close, craving the contact he had been denied for so long. A felt a little spark of hope formed at the action. His tone may be bland and his expression hollow, but the nuzzling had to count for something. Shinichi was still in there, his emotions trapped within. Kaito made it his mission in that moment to give the detective the outset he needed. To cry and to vent about his bad lot in life. Give him the support and consideration he deserved. Shower him with affection and respect the man clearly needed. To replace all his bad memories with good ones.

"I'm sorry, I should have stepped in sooner" he closed his eyes tightly, feeling his throat burn as he held the tears at bay.

He had known something had been wrong for a long time now. He had seen how the detective had been hovering over a blackhole before finally succumbing to its gravity, falling into a downward spiral. He'd thought if he left things alone, gave him enough time to get back on his feet then everything would be okay again, but he had been wrong. Had been thinking too naively, trying to apply his positive thinking to a situation that required him to accept reality. He was lucky he'd caught the teen in time, he didn't know what he would have done if he was even a second too late. He could not let this beautiful creature die, not when he had so much to live for, the other just didn't know it yet.

"I know it hurts Shinichi and I know it seems unbearable right now, but it will get better. I promise. You will make new friends and create a new family with stronger bonds." He whispered into his hair, heart racing as he wracked his brain for something to say.

He knew he had no evidence to back up the claim and he certainly knew that at this stage the detective wouldn't believe him, but he felt like it needed to be said. It was truth, a fact. Something at one time the detective would have backed with no qualms. Even if right now the detective couldn't put his trust in it, it was still something he needed to hear. There was always a hope, a chance for something to be better. No matter how small and oppressed those facts are, they were still there. It would take time and a fuck tun of effort for the other to be able to see it, but this was a start, all he needed to do was listen and let Kaito shoulder his grief until he was able to take it on himself.

"You are so special Shinichi, even if they no longer love you enough to care, there are still people out there that do" he told the other, tone serious. He had no doubt that if they were to look hard enough, someone out there would care for the detective. He knew he defiantly still cared and even loved the teen; he would make him see that in time. For now, he had to start laying the foundation for them to build upon.

Those seemed the tipping words as a sudden flash of emotion swept through those once sparkling but now dead eyes. Whatever had been holding the emotions at bay springing a leak, allowing a few to get through.

"I'm not special though, there are a million people just like me all over the world. I'm not worth the effort, my own parents don't even care about me, that should clue you in" Shinichi sobbed brokenly, trembling in the magicians hold.

He had piles upon piles of evidence to prove that fact. You just had to look at the people who used to be around him to see it. He was old news, history and what happened to things that become old? They became forgotten, the interest in them dying and the relics along with it. Kid had to accept that, he had so why couldn't he?

"You are so worth it Shinichi, you could be so much more then you believe yourself to be" Kaito insisted, heart-breaking anew at the low self-worth the other held.

He didn't think it would be easy by any stretch of the word to make the other feel better, but he had never imagined the extent the damage they had inflicted upon him would be. Seeing the look of desolation in once the strongest person he had ever met had his blood boiling and stomach rolling. If he didn't know that it would make his companion feel worse about himself, he would be right over there giving them a piece of his mind. As it was the detective had always had this underlying insecurity about his lack of social skills, now it seemed any confidence he'd once held in himself and his skills was gone, leaving in its place this broken man he just wanted to wrap up and a blanket and never let go of.

He knew fixing the footballers problems wasn't as simple as clicking his fingers and saying a magic word. He knew when it came to feelings it was a fragile, delicate matter. They were complex and fickle things, could change at a moment's notice, inciting peace or war, depending how they were handled. He knew better than anyone else just how dangerous supressed emotions could be. How denying one's self of experiencing them and instead bottling them up could destroy a man. Now they had connected, now he knew he would be accepted he wouldn't rest until Shinichi was okay. Until Shinichi was happy and comfortable in himself. Screw what anyone else may say or think, he only had eyes for Shinichi and his welfare. He'll stay for as long as he was welcome and then continue to protect him from the shadows when not. He was here now, here to stay and if there was one thing he would convince Shinichi of, it would be that.

"Yeah? Name one person that would miss me if I was gone?" The detective challenged, already sounding resigned. The brief spark of hope he'd felt at discovering it was Kid, fizzled out, dulling his eyes to that of a lifeless doll. He knew he had Kid now, there was no way he would be able to provide one. It was over, Kid would leave, and he would die, just as it was meant to be.

"I would miss you. The detective boys would miss you. I bet a couple hundred detectives would miss you too. You are loved Shinichi, you just couldn't see it because you were blinded by the cruelty of those closest to you" he informed the other, pulling away slightly to look him in the eye.

He needed Shinichi to understand he would be here, that he will remain by his side. It was important to him that the genius knew his sincerity on the matter. He didn't have to believe in his words now, but he did have to place a little trust in him.

"It will take time for the wounds to heel and for the ache of betrayal to simmer down" he told him softly, wiping away his tears, a soft smile on his face "but I will be here with you every step of the way. I'm not going to leave you alone again" he swore passionately.

"You promise?" Shinichi asked warily, not wanting to trust so easily but so desperate in his want to believe him, to finally trust again. To put an end to this isolating loneliness.

Maybe…. maybe Kid could save him. Maybe he was the sign from God that he should keep on living. He had to take a chance on that didn't he? The Kid he knew never said anything he didn't mean, so maybe he could put his trust in him, let him take of him for a while. He had nothing left to lose. And if things fell through like he expected them to then it wasn't like he couldn't carry out his original plan. Yes maybe sticking around for a little longer wouldn't be so bad, if Kid was by his side then perhaps, God willing, he would be okay again.

With a mischievous grin, Kid pulled away a little and snapped his finger, engulfing himself in a cloud of smoke before allowing it to clear, leaving a messy haired look alike in his place. Dressed down in casual clothes. A devilish smirk on the teens face.

Taking in the dazed look he held out his hand to the detective "Hi, my name is Kuroba Kaito and from here on in I will be your new house mate slash best friend" He Introduced. Charming smile on his face.

A small shy smile bloomed across the detective face, a delicate blush tainting his cheeks, as he hesitantly took the offered hand in a firm shake. He didn't know why his heart skipped a beat or why a light fluttery sensation developed in the pit of his stomach, but he couldn't say he hated it. He suddenly felt light. A thought he'd experienced this feeling before crept in, but he pushed it away, not ready to acknowledge it. Everything still felt shaky, too raw and unbalanced for him to handle. To many news things were happening at once, he couldn't keep up with it all. So instead he focused on the feeling of Kaito's warm hand in his.

"Hi Kaito. Welcome to your new home" he welcomed, feeling something click into place, everything stilling, resting peaceful against each other. He knew it wasn't a permanent solution, he could still feel the despair licking up at his feet, threatening to drag him down again, to upset the temporary balance he'd found. He knew the pieces of himself weren't slotted together right, they were still sharp and too jagged to fit, but seeing Kaito smile at him. Knowing Kid trusted his identity with him, suddenly it felt like maybe there really was a silver lining and the sun might rise again

"Happy to be here" he grinned cheekily. Watching as some of the sadness and hate drain away. It wasn't a lot, but it was a start. A hell of a lot more then he could ever have asked for at this stage.

"I won't leave you Shinichi, no matter what anyone else says, you are loved. And if I have to tell you this every day until you start to believe it then I will, because neither I nor this world can survive without you" he told him seriously, eyes soft and honest. Shinichi felt his breath catch, unable to stop the small soft smile from forming. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at him with anything other than contempt.

Kaito watched as he smiled softly to himself, heart squeezing in his chest as he realised how long it had been since he had last seen him give a genuine smile. He knew one day in the future. The detective would be back to his happy, excitable self. Able to stand up on his own and proudly voice his deductions again. Only this time, he would have a magician by his side, a pillar of support and a confidant he can always trust in. A protector against those who sort to do him wrong.

Funny really, he had come here to save Shinichi but suddenly it felt like he might be the one being saved too. Perhaps saving the detective wasn't the only reason he came here, after all only the lonely understood the lonely.

Well it was out of his hands now. No matter the reason behind his motivation, the beginning of their story had already started, he couldn't wait to see what happened next.

**Hey, I just want to say. If you notice someone is having a tough time or is behaving a little more distant than usual, don't try and leave them to sort it out alone. Don't think giving them the space they seem to be asking for is going to help fix the problem, chances are it will make it worse. Just keep an eye one them, talk to them, be open and honest. Just sit in the silence and keep them company if they don't want to talk, just to do something. Knowing someone cares for them and will be beside them even if they're behaving a little off will help more then you could ever know. You don't have to know what to say or to do, just sit with them, send them funny stories or pics. Something small to show you care. Thanks for reading. Dream xx**


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